The Anxiety of Coincidence

 I took dictation only from you, 
for whom verbs were nothing and tense 
everything.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

This year, to save me from years,
I'll give it to someone special.

Never.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”

This Will All Make Perfect Sense Someday

To all the hearts I've broken
and the ones that once broke mine--
I've got suspicions all will be forgiven in time.

here it goes

I guess there's got to be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains how it pours.

Coda

She said " i think i'm going to Boston,
                i think i'll start a new life
                i think i'll start it over where no one knows my name---

                i'll get out of California; i'm tired of the weather
                i think i'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain.

i think i'm going to Boston

i think that I'm just tired--

I think I need a new town to leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise;

I'm tired of the sunset

I hear it's nice in the summer...

some snow would be nice. "

Devil

She sits alone again
& tries her best not to pretend that all she used to live for was the love that wasn't there
& every time she needs to do things that she believes will fill the void inside of her (causehewasneverthere)

she says, "I swear I'm not the devil, though you think I am.
I swear I'm not the devil--"

He tries to sleep again 

He wonders when the pain will end the cuts (theymayrundeeperthanhiscrackingoutershell)

He looks with tired eyes

at all the people hypnotized

& wonders what can save him from his self-created hell

And he says, "I swear I'm not the devil.

Though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil--"

I always fail to see the little things in front of me 
The things that mean so much to you; a way to let you know that I appreciate the way you always tolerate 
(but sometimes when I medicate frustration in you showsmehowyoufeel)

But I swear I'm not the devil,
though you think I am.


I swear I'm not the devil.

Torn

(nothing's right i'm--)

i'm all out of faith;
this is how i feel

(cold&iAMshamed)

lying naked in the floor

and still

i can't seem to find
the q u i e t
inside
my mind

I Am Not Yours

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

if I say

"my heart is sore,"
it sounds like a cheap metaphor
(so I won't repeat it—)

Trade Yourself In

I don't think they know
that's my heart exposed. . .

the shallows

"The better we get at multitasking, the worse we are at thinking deeply."

Hold On

she had a habit of killing herself,
i had a habit of dying.

i think she gave me something to live for,
i guess i helped to pass her time.

Remembering Sunday

i'll be blunt:
now the rain is just

washing you
out of my hair

(and out of my mind)

Calling you to see

if you're   sleeping,
are  you dreaming;
if you're dreaming,
are  you dreaming of me?

I Have News For You

There are people who do not see a broken playground swing
as a symbol of ruined childhood


and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.

I'm Doing Everything For You

Bless your heart, you've made me happy again;
it's been so LONG and I'm  sick  of pretending.

Trapt

am I made of glass?
you see right through me

Anybody Can Write a Poem

I am arguing with an idiot online.
He says anybody can write a poem.
I say some people are afraid to speak.
I say some people are ashamed to speak. 

Let Us Go Then

through the trip
wired minefield

hand in hand
eyes for nothing

but ourselves
alone

undaunted by
the traps & pits

of wasted land
until

you stoop
& pluck

a stem
of eyebright

Hold On

The only thing I know for sure
is you are mine
and I am yours

Sing me to sleep;

I'll see you in my dreams.

Sing something new,

I have nothing left—

I can't face the dark without you.

If you only knew

-I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you.

"Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide"

Fuck the silver, let's go straight for the gold.

Alcove

Is it possible that spring could be
once more approaching? We forget each time
what a mindless business it is, porous like sleep,
adrift on the horizon, refusing to take sides, "mugwump
of the final hour," lest an agenda—horrors!—be imputed to it,
and the whole point of its being spring collapse
like a hole dug in sand. It's breathy, though,
you have to say that for it.
And should further seasons coagulate
into years, like spilled, dried paint, why,
who's to say we weren't provident? We indeed
looked out for others as though they mattered, and they,
catching the spirit, came home with us, spent the night
in an alcove from which their breathing could be heard clearly.
But it's not over yet. Terrible incidents happen
daily. That's how we get around obstacles.

"There is no reciprocity.

Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. "

You're so cold,

(keep your hand in mine)                                              (but you feel alive)

Lay your hand on me one last time...

So Cold

Show me how it ends ( it's  a l l  r i g h t )
Show me how defenseless you really are

satisfied&empty inside
(well that's all right,
let's give this another try--)

"That's What You Get"

—because i burned every bridge i ever built while you were here.

(why do we like to hurt so much?)

i can't hear you-- you sound like static

It sounds like a
radio with the speakers blown,
the kind of sound that you'll never know
(treble high and the bass down low)

& it's

all downhill from here

It's still National Poetry Month...

Sooner or later that which is now life shall be poetry,

and every fair and manly trait shall add a richer strain to the song.

Final stanza

Our desires shall be from repressions free—
    As it's only right to treat them.
To your ego's whims I will sing sweet hymns,
    And ad libido repeat them.
With your hand in mine, idly we'll recline
    Amid bowers of neuroses,
While the sun seeks rest in the great red west
    We will sit and match psychoses.
So come dwell a while on that distant isle
    In the brilliant tropic weather;
Where a Freud in need is a Freud indeed,
    We'll always be Jung together.

more of The Passionate Freudian

While the pale moon gleams, we will dream sweet dreams,
    And I'll win your admiration,
For it's only fair to admit I'm there
    With a mean interpretation.
In the sunrise glow we will whisper low
    Of the scenes our dreams have painted,
And when you're advised what they symbolized
    We'll begin to feel acquainted.
So we'll gaily float in a slumber boat
    Where subconscious waves dash wildly;
In the stars' soft light, we will say good-night—
    And "good-night!" will put it mildly. 

Excerpt from "The Passionate Freudian to His Love"

Only name the day, and we'll fly away
    In the face of old traditions,
To a sheltered spot, by the world forgot,
    Where we'll park our inhibitions.
Come and gaze in eyes where the lovelight lies
    As it psychoanalyzes,
And when once you glean what your fantasies mean
    Life will hold no more surprises.
When you've told your love what you're thinking of
    Things will be much more informal;
Through a sunlit land we'll go hand-in-hand,
    Drifting gently back to normal.

The Love-Hat Relationship

I have been thinking about the love-hat relationship.
It is the relationship based on love of one another's hats.
The problem with the love-hat relationship is that it is superficial.
You don't necessarily even know the other person.
Also it is too dependent on whether the other person
is even wearing the favored hat. We all enjoy hats,
but they're not something to build an entire relationship on.
My advice to young people is to like hats but not love them.
Try having like-hat relationships with one another.
See if you can find something interesting about
the personality of the person whose hat you like.

"Lighthead's Guide to the Galaxy"

...All species have a notion of emptiness, and yet
the flowers don't quit opening. I am carrying the whimper
you can hear when the mouth is collapsed, the wisdom
of monkeys. Ask a glass of water why it pities
the rain. Ask the lunatic yard dog why it tolerates the leash.
Brothers and sisters, when you spend your nights
out on a limb, there's a chance you'll fall in your sleep.

Excerpt from "To Celia"

Drink to me, only with thine eyes
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.

From "Petit, the Poet"

Ballads by the score with the same old thought:
The snows and the roses of yesterday are vanished;
And what is love but a rose that fades?

black&white

You see through me, don't you?

who cares about grass?

And I   d o n 't    n e e d

another kind of green

to know

I'm on the right side

with you.                                       

(don't need to lose it to know that you had it good)

here i am,

with my heart on the floor

&  my love out the door—

you     

should

be         -   

knocking.

but there it goes,

i've got nothing to show for
except pictures i pose for—

but i keep them

        in  a  box

under  -

my bed.

"You"

forgive me,my love;

i stand here all alone

(&i can SEE the bottom)

"Comfortable"

I    can't    r e m e m b e r

             what went   w r o n g   last December


..but I'm sure you'd remind me
  (if you had to)

you already--alreadyKNOW--

  I  can't live without,

  all  I  think  about,

all  I  want  is  you.

          You're all I dream about,

          I  can't  live  without ---

a l l     I     w a n t     i s     y o u.

Thrown it all away, but

I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to feel

or what I'm supposed to say, but

I'm not--not too sure how it feels

to handle everyday...

...& i MISS you,love.

"Phase"

your lips are better than mine, so you can kiss this goodbye

"World Ain't Right"

neverexpected

a l l      m y     h o p e s     AND     d r e a m s

to fall apart at the seams.

"This Ain't Goodbye"

This is just where love goes when words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold.

"Give Me a Sign"

I can feel you falling away...

no longer  the  lost ;
no longer the same.

&I can see you starting to break.

forever -- and ever
thescarswill remain

insomnia

  
Hold me, love?
I can't sleep again.

Will I have to kiss your nose?
I just want to lie next to you in love...


  

"Futures"

(what matters is what hasn't been)

we're wide awake and we're thinking

my darling--

believe your voice can mean something.

"Here Without You"

...I'm here without you, baby,
but you're still on my lonely mind.

I think about you, baby,
& I dream about you all the time...

#1311

 
This dirty—little—Heart
Is freely mine.
I won it with a Bun—
A Freckled shrine—

But eligibly fair
To him who sees
The Visage of the Soul
And not the knees.
    

Canadian boys sing it best

(i will carry you till you carry on)

anytime you need someone,
somebody strong to lean on,
    you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done-

                                             and every time you fall apart 
                                             you can hide here in my arms
&  you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone.

please dont give (in)(up)

  b e l i e v e   in   me (iknowyou'vewaitedforsolong)

             b e l i e v e   in   me
      (sometimestheweakbecomethestrong)

       b e l i e v e   in   me
      (thislife'snotalwayswhatitseems)

                   b e l i e v e    in    me--
    'cause i was made for chasing dreams

"if you don't, don't..."

If you don't-- don't know, why'd you say so?

(would you mean this, please, if it happens?)

If you don't know, why would you say so?

(won't you get your story straight?)

If you don't--

well, honey, would you just say so?

('cause I need this now more than I ever did)

If you don't,
well, honey,
then you
don't .

"Carve Your Heart"

Man, it takes a silly girl
to lie about the dreams she has;

Lord, it takes a lonely one
to wish that she had never dreamt at all.

Inspiration for layout

[web dedication]

suppose

Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head.

young death sits in a cafe
smiling, a piece of money held between
his thumb and first finger
(i say "will he buy flowers" to you
and "Death is young
life wears velour trousers
life totters, life has a beard" i

say to you who are silent.--"Do you see
Life? he is there and here,
or that, or this
or nothing or an old man 3 thirds
asleep, on his head
flowers, always crying
to nobody something about les
roses les bluets
yes,
will He buy?
Les belles bottes--oh hear
, pas cheres")

and my love slowly answered I think so. But
I think I see someone else
there is a lady, whose name is Afterwards
she is sitting beside young death, is slender;
likes flowers.

More from E.E.

in spite of everything

which breathes and moves, since Doom

(with white longest hands

neatening each crease)

will smooth entirely our minds

--before leaving my room

i turn, and(stooping

through the morning)kiss

this pillow, dear

where our heads lived and were.

"Since feeling is first"

lady i swear by all flowers.  Don't cry

--the best gesture of my brain is less than

your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then

laugh, leaning back in my arms

for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

"No Sensitivity"

The world don't spin without you--
I'm amazed you're standing still.

Taking my kisses back;
I want my kisses back from you.



    ( isn't  it   obvious?   isn't  it  obvious? )
 --it's okay if you don't answer...
(thought itwasobvious,thoughtit was obvious)

*

"Dressed to Kill"

(you're not here;

and i can't stop pretending

that you're forever mine&--)

I can't dream anymore—
  since       you           left;
Imissyou singing me to sleep

I can't  wake  anymore—
  in           your        arms;
I miss you singingmetosleep

"It was a quiet way—

He asked if I was his—
I made no answer of the Tongue,
But answer of the Eyes—

Estlin again

what's beyond logic happens beneath will;
nor can these moments be translated:i say
that even after April
by God there is no excuse for May

silly Juliet.

" In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be. "

"Ready

Are you having trouble keeping up?Seeing thisthingthrough?

I want to know who you're running from -- me or you?

You're too confused to open up  ( feel the way I do ) .

I want to know who you're thinking of,

'cause I really have no clue.

when you

Another   game   of   charades. . .

don't you know everybody plays?I don't want to lose to you that way.

Maybe we'll be different this time around? Maybe we'll be different..

I don't know.

Don't want to strangle this,

so I'm holding back for now.

are"

(calm down , don't take it too far--)
I know only time can heal scars, so
I'm ready whenyouare.(whenyouare)

(tied down, don't want any false starts--)

I can do without the time apart , soI'm

READY whenyouare. ( when   y o u   are )

...I'm ready when you are.

 

-- Trapt

Are you having trouble keeping up?

You know that I will wait.

(i wonder if it's good enough to make you stay?)

You're too confused to open up;

you don't know what to say.

Well, you can tell me if you think it's love.

I won't be far away.

"Song

Were mandkind murderous or jealous upon you, my brother, my sister?
I am sorry for you, they are not murderous or jealous upon me,
All have been gentle with me, I keep no account with lamentation,
(What have I to do with lamentation?)

of

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Myself" -

Will you speak before I am gone? will you prove already too late?

- Whitman

Missing me one place search another,

I stop somewhere waiting for you.

"Lyrical Lies"

& you want to be dressed in poetry
but imagery doesn't fit.

so you want resizing--
but, darling dear,

get a grip.

"Better Off Dead"

ash his  heart  onto theground, 

                  BURNhis guts out byfrustration;

be careful, you mightKILLhim--

lyrical lies

"& your (eye)lids are your best canvas--

icanonly   i m a g i n e
what you're painting..."

(tasting bright sweat and dark pavement)

i collapse with air burning fiery holes into my lungs, street gravel pressing temporary tattoos of dots unto my palms. and you are already standing behind me. barely winded, and nothing but love and understanding on your kind, kind face.

i didn't ask you to run after me.             i whisper.

but i couldn't help it.             you answer.

(and you say exactly what i want you to say)

"Blind"

After all this time,
   I never thought we'd be here--
     never thought we'd be here,
(when my love for you was blind)
but i couldn't make you see it--
       i couldn't make you see

that i loved you more than you'll ever know

(a part of me died when i let you go)

Jimmy Eat World--

ican'tHELPit,baby

THIS is who i am.

( i'm sorry, but )

ican'tJUSTgoturn

off how I feel

you KILL me;

you BUILD me up,but just towatchme break--

i know what i should do

but i just can't walk away.

-Kill

ohGOD,pleasedon't

tell me

THIShasbeeninvain?

i NEED answers

         for what all

the    w a i t i n g

i've  done  means

you KILL me;

you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes

--i know what i should do,

(but iJUSTcan't turn away)

voices to voices,lip to lip

i mean that the blond abscence of any program

except last and always and first to live

makes unimportant what i and you believe;
not for philosophy does this rose give a damn...

E.E. Cummings

Humanity i love you because you
are perpetually putting the secret of
life in your pants and forgetting
it's there and sitting down

Howard Zinn (RIP Jan 27, 2010)

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.


What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something.


If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.


And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."

just 3 miles from the rest stop

w h i l e   you  were   s l e e p i n g
i was listening to the radio & wondering what you're dreaming when--

it came to mind that i didn't care.

&i thought: HELL, if it's over,
well, i had better end it quick or i could lose my nerve--

are you listening?

can you hear me?

(have you forgotten?)

"Either Way"

i will love you forever-- (but forever'sSOfaraway)
but i promised i would; through all the BADS and the goods; and, hell, the bads are still GOODS anyway.

& i will love you always.

(there's nothingleftforMEto say--
'tilthecowscomebackhome,ORjump over themoon;'tilthedishes&spoonsallRUNaway)

i willLOVEyoueitherway.


i will love you always;


i   will love you ,
e i t h e r  w a y.

"All Hell For A Basement"

i have LOST my way,
but   i   hear    t e l l
about a heaven in Alberta. . .

Jimmy Eat World -- Dizzy

i TOLD you as i hovered; i never felt this way.

YOU said,
"i  have the SHOT
thatstopsmy clock,
baby ,    it's okay."

youSAID you'd never have regrets;
Jesus, is there someone yet
who got their wish?

did you get yours, babe?

3 Doors Down

The open wound she hides: she just
keeps it bundledup &neverlets itSHOW.
sheCAN'Ttake muchmoreof this -- but she can't let it go.
That's okay. She don't want the world.

All the things she says, while he's just

lying there withoutsomeoneto hear herCRY,

she slipsoff into a dream about a place

to hide... and that's ok. She don't want the world.

This  l o v e  she feels--

everything she's ever known,
   or ever thought was real--

seems like it's been thrown away.

Now how's she gonna live?

It's okay; she don't want the world.

thoseWORDSheneverspoke
haunt her life,thememoriesof all
the timesbefore: she tried to show
him love while he would only ask
for more. But it's ok, she don't want the world.

Softly in her sleep...

pictures of the life she's longing for slowly appear.

She's seen them all before, but somehow never quite this clear...

And she just smiles;

she don't want the world.

and in between dreams..

If I knew all of the answers, I would not hold them from you;
You'd know all of the things that I know.

'cause we told each other
there  is  no other way...

.belong

[3 Doors Down]

" i don't know why i gave you my heart

 because sometimes it feels so wrong.

(but inSPITEofallthisweatherI
knowwhywearetogether)

&i swear right now i'm- "

.where i

"...there's too many questions and too many strings

and they won't keep themselves tied.

On arollercoasterride;

itfeelslikeI'mLYING

nexttoaGHOSTatnight..."

.right

" There's a difference in spending time with me

  and killing time while I'm there.

On too many people & too many things,

and it makes me feel like HELL..."

(what are you hoping for?)

" No one else will have me like you do;
       no one else will have me, only you. "

                                             -- 23

Matchbox 20

the cars are moving like a half an mile an hour &i
staring at the passengers who're wavin' goodbye--


can you tell me what was every really special about me all this time?

I was no longer brave;

My avarice cooled,
like lust in the chill of the grave.

-- Hamatreya

well, you know what?

" A goal without a plan is just a wish. "

&breathe

"3AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake:

'Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

I don't love him; winter just wasn't my season.'"

If You Only Knew

"it's 4:03

and I can't sleep

without you next to me;

I toss and turn like the sea."

"There For You"

You speak the unspeakable through

" i love you, too. "

"Change The World"

"Can't say for sure just where I'll end up;

I just want to end up there with you."